Tuesday, August 4, 2015

652; Harapan

Bismillah.

Maaf,

Hidup ajar aku untuk tidak bagi harapan.

Kerana harapan memerlukan penantian.

Dan penantian itu menyeksakan.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

651; I Wonder

Bismillah.

I wonder...

what was the first impression of people when they saw me.

what people talk about me

what people are hoping from me

who are the ones hoping something from me

what people expect me to be

who really cares about me

who really helps

who truly wants to be my friend but is scared to approach me

who feels sad when I am sad

and happy when I am happy

and

I wonder who prays for me in silence.






















Maybe there's a reason Allah kept all those things as a secret.
I really hope it's a sweet secret.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

650; Trust Issue

Bismillah.

I think I have trust issue- with guys.

649; Allah Will Never Leave Me Alone

Bismillah.
So this is my 3rd time writing my 649th post. Previous two posts were quite negative (although I was trying to send some good message) so I deleted it. I somehow do not like the negativities.

Back to the main point.

So last night I was crying so hard, alone in my room. Roomates weren't there. It's okay tho. No big deal coz I hated people seeing me cry. Haha.

I was pretty upset last night.

One.
That evening I attended a talk on professional paper and there's this guy (the penceramah la), he said that UiTM graduates are always downgraded by many companies. Honestly I cried silently in the hall but quickly wiped up those tears (as I mentioned I do not like people seeing me cry).

Two.
And there's this friend tweeted something and in the tweet there's a sentence saying "uitm je".

Three.
Many friends are preparing to fly soon. So basically I will be in Malaysia for few years more or maybe until forever.

Four.
I'm pretty sure all this bad emotions come from my pms but I just couldn't help myself.

Five.
I have no one to talk to.

Now here comes the happy part.

So last night I performed my wudhu- crying. I performed Isya' with high hope that Allah will ease this burden and thoughts that had been disturbing my mind. I cried so hard that it took me a few moment before I can recite my al- Fatihah clearly. I even coughed so bad between the Fatihah because my nose was blocked on both sides (hahahah!)

I just couldn't stop thinking about all those irrational problems. Then suddenly some thoughts came across my mind:

"You are such an ungrateful slave."

"Why are you crying because of dunya? When was the last time you cried because of aakhirah?"

Honestly I stopped crying. Wow that was deep. I mean reaaaally deep. I thought surely Allah was the one who sent those thoughts to me.

My breathing then became normal and slowly nose unblocked (hahah)

Things got even better this morning. I felt very positive. 

Un. After subuh prayer, I went to the balcony, looked at the sky and said to myself:

"Allah has better plan. Allah has greater plan."


Deux. Then this tweet came across my timeline and it definitely had soothed my heart.



Trois. And I was randomly watching youtube and there's this video by Talk Islam (if I was not mistaken) saying that:

"Allah will never leave us alone"

















I will definitely hold on to that from now on.
Allah will never leave me alone.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

648; Dalam Tak Sedar

Bismillah.

Dalam tak sedar, 
kita sedang memberi harapan.

Monday, July 27, 2015

647; TOTM

Bismillah

Somehow I've always kinda hated few days before my TOTM.

At times, everything seems so wrong.

And crying spells makes it worse i tell ya.






Wednesday, July 15, 2015

646; 'Ingin' (Video JERKS Abang)

Bismillah.

"Akak, tengok ni batch abang buat video lagu raya."

*tengah tengok

"Haa part abang bila?"

"Nanti ada abang tengah cakap 'ingin' dalam video tu. 'Ingin' tau. 'Ingin'"

:')

Friday, July 3, 2015

645;


We're not going anywhere with you like this.

Say something I'm giving up on you. 

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

644; Settle Sendiri (Batuk)

Bismillah.

Conversation lepas subuh (piqah/me):

"Kiah."

"Apa?"

"Masa kau batuk teruk pagi tadi kan, aku rasa kesian sangat. Aku nak je bangun dari katil ni pergi tepuk belakang kau sebenarnya."

"Awwh"

"Tapi malangnya aku tak larat nak bangun pastu aku fikir pandai pandailah kau settle sendiri"

-.-

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

643; Dah Agak


Dah agak dah semua ni main main je kan. Dah agak dahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

That's it.