I hope I bought this book under concious because the reality is, I have loads of books half-read and yet..... another new book? *slaps own face. To make things worse, I have piles of tasks & assignments to be done. Yay me. Yay. Me.
The train, might be my next favourite means of going anywhere.
Few weeks ago was my first time travelling on train alone and the experience was just.. subhanallah. Before this, I thought I loved looking at the trees along the highways but the view along the railways is way so much better. The greens, the rivers, the people along it.
Some things that made my day were trees that are so big and tall but there's no leaves or branches on it- it's funny coz they kinda resemble bald person, few types of beautifully God-carved trees I've never seen before, an Indian uncle who helped & made unproductive conversations with me, a baby who smiled & waved at me just before I wanted to do so (at one of the stations) and random kids waiting on small hills just to say bye-bye to the train. Heartwarming.
5-hour journey didn't felt like so because I was too preoccupied with the outside. Only managed to sleep about less than half an hour but at other times, I was so energized by the greens.
I've only used public transport three times (college- home) anyway.
Via three different ways, each one carries its own meaningful experiences.
I found a person whose passion is studying; my Financial Mathematics (FM) lecturer. The first time she said that, it almost sounds weird to the ears. I was like, wait this does not sound right...
Another close friend of mine, she would rather have her night sleep at 7 a.m just to study (note that there's no quiz or test or exam coming). Who. On. Earth. Does. That- it's her.
I never thought studying could ever be in the 'passion' list. I mean.. go outside to the world, get yourself a non-bookish-related life! Don't lie, no one wants to study for their whole life, like seriously?!
Long story short.
This evening, I came across this;
Imam As- Syafie dalam kitabnya Al- Majmu' Fi Syarhil Muhazdab menukilkan kepentingan ilmu:
"Menuntut ilmu lebih utama daripada solat sunat. Tidak ada amalan fardu yang lebih utama daripada menuntut ilmu. Sesiapa yang inginkan (kebahagiaan) dunia hendaklah dengan ilmu. Dan sesiapa yang inginkan (kebahagiaan) akhirat hendaklah dengan ilmu."
Abu Hurairah melaporkan, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w berkata:
"Sesiapa berjalan di suatu jalan untuk mencari ilmu, maka Allah akan memudahkan baginya jalan ke syurga."
(#Sound Direct, Ustaz Abdullah Khairi)
Such typical mindset I have, yes. What a shame.
Whoever wants happiness in the dunya, it is by knowledge. Whoever wants happiness in the akhirah, it is by knowledge. Whoever seeks for knowledge, Allah ease him the way to Jannah. Subhanallah.
"So why are you here in the classroom? Why are you even studying?", my FM lecturer asked one day.
The class went silent for few seconds before scheme answers popped out of our mouths. Good job, big salary, making parents proud bla bla bla... I bet no one in the class knows their real intentions. Of course, including me.
"First, seek knowledge because of Allah. Then get your other dreams.", she said. Such cliche answer but that's the truth.
"If you study to get good jobs or big money, later when they don't meet your expectations, you'll get nothing. If you study because of Allah, you'll have to worry nothing.", she added.
I complain about studying as much as most of you do (maybe more). Often ranting about the purpose of life, the course I'm taking & demanding having to work with passion.... the list goes on and on. I guess it's all mindset. Studying or seeking for knowledge couldn't be as bad. Our wills are what matters.
... Sesungguhnya yang takut kepada Allah dalam kalangan hamba- hambaNya adalah para ilmuan... (Surah Fatir ayat 28)
That verse above.. is another whole new topic to ponder alone.
I learnt honesty the hard way; the heart-smashing-to-the-rock way. I once lied about someone so innocent, leaving her looking so bad in the eyes of another. There's no way back fixing the stories (yes, stories). Call me coward, it took me years to admit that I lied. And am still counting years..
Not saying that I never lied but, I honestly suck at lying. People notice it right away in my face when I lie so it leaves me with no other choice than being honest or twisting my words (which also turns out bad).
I've been keeping my keep-it-as-honest-as-possible attitude for long but people kept messing with it. Even in the first semester in UiTM, people lied to me just so many times. Even if it's for jokes, it's heartbreaking every single time. It's like, putting so much trust on someone and they end up toying it.
Those 'mildly rebellious' things they do in college like taking 'kupon kolej' when they don't attend the event (only UiTM students know) or bringing toasters/ rice cookers to college or only registering one or two 'barang elektrik' when you have so many; I can't do that. Even when no one else knows, I can't even lie to myself. I always thought, "Duduk kolej ni, biar Allah redha." I don't know about you, but this is a very serious matter to me.
I dont care being called 'lurus bendul' coz I know me being me, I trust other people so easily. Even when I could see he/ she is lying, I keep listening to their stories, telling myself, 'He must be telling the truth. Trust him'. Life's always a karma. I don't lie to people with hopes that in future my husband won't cheat on me over another woman, my children won't lie to me about something bad they did or my colleagues won't use me for money.
As easy as a tongue can speak out a word, it can also hurt as easy. I can still remember being taught in Pendidikan Agama Islam class at school, that 'antara dosa- dosa besar adalah menipu & berbohong'. Yes, the easiest 'dosa besar' that any human could ever do. The one you could do in split second, and the regret may cost a lifetime.
I just.. couldn't afford another regret.
(As saint as this post might make me look like, it's obviously a lie if I say I never lied.)
-finally a long post at the very last day of 2015-